I could make wine with my vomit
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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