I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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