My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
