I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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