Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
