YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dicks are not precious.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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