dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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