Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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