dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize