i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My feet surprised me
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