Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
