Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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