I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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