oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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