I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
