Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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