Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
