watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My breasts were aching with rage.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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