I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
