wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
