So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize