I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
