happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
