I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i need an iv and a liver transplant
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
