you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
