I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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