You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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