Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
