I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
