I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
