So drunk its hurt
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
