In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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