Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
