belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
