i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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