If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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