Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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