If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Even my vagina gasped.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
