Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
