I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
