OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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