"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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