I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
