I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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