this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
