to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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