You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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