I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
either way he was missing a nipple.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
