You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
