just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
