the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
