Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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