It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
