just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
