we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
