You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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