my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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