i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
