i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you didnt know i had herpes?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize