It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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