ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
