uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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