Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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