adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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