I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just high enough for therapy.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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