in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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