Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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